The phone felt like a lead weight in my hand. The silence on the other end was louder than any words she could have said. If you’re here, you know that feeling. It’s a physical ache—a hollow space in your chest where certainty used to be. My world had just ended, and in that moment of raw, world-shattering pain, I did what so many of us do: I panicked.
I sent the texts. The long, pleading paragraphs. The “I can’t live without you” messages that I thought were romantic but were actually just pushing her further away. I lost my dignity, my confidence, and worst of all, I lost myself. For anyone staring at their phone right now, I’ve created a comprehensive guide on texting your ex to help you avoid these exact mistakes.
My name is Robert Martin Lees, and that rock-bottom moment was the beginning of a 17-year journey that I never expected. It’s a journey that led me here, to you.
My Search for Answers (And the “Gurus” Who Failed Me)
In the weeks that followed, I became obsessed. I scoured the internet, desperate for a lifeline. I bought the guides, I read the articles, and I tried the “guaranteed” psychological tricks from so-called gurus. The advice felt… wrong. It was manipulative, inauthentic, and it didn’t work. It just created more distance and more heartache.
I realized that all this advice was focused on the wrong thing: getting her back, at any cost. It was a frantic, needy chase for external validation.
The Turning Point: It Wasn’t About Getting Her Back, It Was About Getting Me Back
The real shift happened when I finally asked a different question. Instead of “How do I make her want me again?” I asked, “Why did I fall apart so completely?”
That question changed everything. I realized the problem wasn’t just the breakup; it was the underlying pattern. A cycle of seeking validation, losing my center, and placing my entire sense of self-worth in someone else’s hands. The science behind this is fascinating; studies show that romantic rejection can activate the same parts of the brain as physical pain (as noted by Psychology Today). I knew that even if I got her back, the cycle would just repeat itself.
To truly heal and build something that could last, I had to break that cycle. This became the foundation of everything I teach: a philosophy of radical self-respect, authentic communication, and ethical reconciliation.
Feeling Lost in Your Own Breakup?
The first step isn’t a text, it’s getting clarity. Understand your unique situation and discover your next best move.
Who is Robert Martin Lees? The Birth of a 17-Year Mission
That personal epiphany didn’t stay personal for long. I felt a deep, Spirit-led calling to share what I was learning, to help others navigate the pain I knew so well. This wasn’t just a hobby; it became my mission.
The Early Days (2008)
I started writing articles and submitting them to online publications. The response was overwhelming. People wrote to me saying my words were the first thing that had given them real hope. That feedback was the fuel that confirmed I was on the right path.
The Philosophy (ChangingTheCycle.com)
As my understanding deepened, I launched ChangingTheCycle.com to be the home of my core philosophy. It’s where I explore the deep patterns and psychological foundations of healthy, resilient relationships.
The Specialist (MakingUpMagic.info)
But I knew people in crisis needed more than philosophy; they needed a tactical field guide. That’s why I created MakingUpMagic.info. This site is the culmination of 17 years of experience, distilled into practical, step-by-step strategies to help you navigate the most difficult moments of a breakup with dignity and strength.
The Future (LessonsToLove.info)
My work doesn’t end with reconciliation. I also run LessonsToLove.info to help people build incredible intimacy and passion for the long term. It’s about taking the lessons from our past to build a future we love.
What is an Ex Back Author? My Role as Your Guide
Being an “ex back author” isn’t about writing magic lines that manipulate someone into coming back. For me, it’s about being a guide. My role is to give you a map through this painful territory, built on three core principles:
- Authentic Communication: I will never give you a script that feels fake. My goal is to help you find the words that are both effective and true to who you are.
- Radical Self-Respect: The journey to getting them back must always start with getting YOU back. We focus on rebuilding your confidence and seeing the signs that your personal growth is working.
- Ethical Reconciliation: The goal isn’t just to get back together; it’s to create a relationship that is healthier, stronger, and more honest than before. And if that’s not possible, it’s to help you move forward with peace and empowerment.
My mission is simple: to provide Words that work, and Words that heal.
Ready for the Next Step?
You don’t have to do this alone. Based on my 17 years of research, I’ve tested and reviewed the most effective programs available. Find the right one for your specific situation.
Your Questions Answered
Can I really get my ex back after a bad breakup?
Yes, it is absolutely possible, but it requires a shift in strategy. Instead of focusing on “winning them back,” you must focus on rebuilding yourself into a confident, secure person. True reconciliation happens when two whole individuals choose to be together, not when one person convinces the other. The ultimate question is often “will my ex come back,” and the answer lies in your personal growth.
How do I know if my ex is still in love with me?
Look for consistent, unsolicited actions. Are they initiating contact? Asking mutual friends about you? Engaging with your social media? While these can be positive signs, the most important thing is to focus on your own growth, not on decoding their every move.
Where can I find the best relationship advice for getting back with my ex?
The best advice focuses on self-improvement and authentic communication over tricks. Start with foundational guides on the effectiveness of the No Contact rule and understanding the real reasons for your breakup. This site is dedicated to providing exactly that kind of guidance.
Is this advice based on real experience?
Yes. Every piece of advice on this site is filtered through my 17-year journey, which started with my own painful breakup in 2008. My goal is to give you the strategies I wish I had when I was at my lowest point.