It’s one of the most painful feelings after a breakup: knowing the connection is fading, and wondering if there’s anything you can do to bring his heart back. Maybe you’ve already looked at classic “ex back” programs like Ex Factor or Text Your Ex Back, and while those can be powerful, they aren’t always the best fit for every woman.
That’s why we wanted to take a closer look at James Bauer’s program, “His Secret Obsession.” While it’s not marketed as a traditional “get your ex back” plan, it tackles something even deeper — the psychology of how men bond, commit, and stay devoted once that spark has been reignited.
What makes this interesting is that for women who feel like their ex drifted away emotionally before the breakup, His Secret Obsession may actually address the root dynamic better than some of the step‑by‑step reconciliation systems. Instead of just focusing on text messages or surface strategies, it’s designed to flip the switch in a man’s mind that makes him see you as “the one worth fighting for.”
But is “The Hero Instinct” real psychology, or just clever marketing? We went through the entire program to give you the unfiltered truth.
On This Page:
What Is The ‘Hero Instinct’? The Core Idea
The entire program is based on this idea: Bauer argues that men have a primal, biological drive to feel needed, respected, and essential to the woman they’re with. It’s not about being a superhero; it’s about being her hero.
When a man feels like his woman’s hero, he feels a profound sense of purpose and devotion. When he doesn’t, he begins to pull away, often without even knowing why. This aligns with established psychological principles about the fundamental emotional needs in men, which often prioritize respect and appreciation.
The program teaches you specific phrases, signals, and communication techniques designed to trigger this instinct. It’s not about manipulation, but about learning to communicate your needs in a way that speaks directly to his psychological wiring, a concept we explore in our guide to the “Respect vs. Love” Communication Principle.
Will It Work For Your Situation? A Scenario-Based Guide
This is the most important question. Here’s how “His Secret Obsession” applies to common relationship problems:
Scenario 1: He’s Become Emotionally Distant and Cold
The Problem: He used to be open and affectionate, but now he’s withdrawn. He answers in one-word sentences and seems to live in his own world.
How HSO Applies: This is the program’s core strength. It provides techniques to break this pattern by re-establishing yourself as his primary confidante and source of validation. The methods are designed to make him want to open up to you again. This often relates to deep-seated attachment patterns, where one partner pulls away in what’s known as an avoidant response to perceived pressure.
Scenario 2: The “Spark” and Passion Are Gone
The Problem: You feel more like roommates than lovers. The romance and excitement have faded, replaced by a comfortable but boring routine.
How HSO Applies: The program includes specific “Glimpse Phrases” and techniques designed to re-introduce mystery and playful challenge into the relationship. It’s about shifting from a predictable pattern to one where he feels he constantly has to win you over again, which re-ignites the chase.
Scenario 3: You’re Worried He’s Losing Interest or Has a Wandering Eye
The Problem: You feel a sense of insecurity. He doesn’t compliment you anymore, and you’re worried you’re no longer his number one priority.
How HSO Applies: By triggering his Hero Instinct, you essentially “stake your claim” on his devotion. The program teaches you how to become so integral to his sense of self-worth and purpose that the idea of being with anyone else becomes unthinkable. You become his ultimate source of validation.
Pros & Cons of His Secret Obsession
✅ Pros
- Strong psychological insight (Hero Instinct).
- Highly relevant for women wanting an ex to feel devoted again.
- Focuses on deep emotional connection, not surface tricks.
- Step-by-step guidance with usable phrases.
❌ Cons
- Only designed for women (not useful for male readers).
- Not a classic “ex back” roadmap program.
- Some parts may feel scripted if used word-for-word.
Important: Is This For Getting an Ex Back?
Yes and no. While HSO isn’t a traditional ex‑back program like Ex Factor, some women will find it actually hits the root cause of why their ex pulled away in the first place. If emotional drift and lack of devotion ended your relationship, then triggering the Hero Instinct might be the missing piece.
But if you just went through a fresh breakup, immediately using these techniques can feel needy. For those cases, start with No Contact and consider either Ex Factor or Text Your Ex Back for more structured steps.
The Verdict: Who Is This Program Really For?
Quick Review Summary
Our Rating: 4.6 / 5 ⭐
- Best for: Women who want to either revive a fading relationship or re-attract an ex where emotional drift was the cause of the breakup.
- Strengths: Deep male psychology insights (“Hero Instinct”), practical language/phrases.
- Weaknesses: Not for men; not for all ex-back cases.
“His Secret Obsession” is not a magic wand. But it is a powerful toolkit for a specific type of woman:
The woman who feels her man pulling away and wants to stop the drift.- The woman in a long-term relationship who wants to reignite the passion and feel desired again.
- The woman who senses she’s doing all the work and wants him to step up and cherish her.
Note: This program is only designed for women. If you’re a man looking for personalized guidance, we suggest alternatives such as The Ex Factor Guide or Text Your Ex Back.
If you’re looking for a passive solution, this isn’t it. But if you’re willing to learn a new way of communicating that taps directly into male psychology, this program can be a genuine game-changer for your relationship.
[Click Here to Learn More and Watch the Official “His Secret Obsession” Video] ➔
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: Will this feel fake or manipulative to him?
A: It’s a valid concern. The key is authenticity. The program teaches you a new language of communication. At first, it might feel like you’re “using lines,” but as you understand the principles, you’ll adapt them to your own voice. It’s about understanding his needs, not running a script.
Q: Is the program focused more on physical or emotional connection?
A: It’s almost entirely focused on the emotional connection. The premise is that once the deep emotional bond of him feeling like your “hero” is established, the physical passion and desire will naturally follow as a consequence.
Q: What if my relationship has very serious problems?
A: “His Secret Obsession” is a communication and connection tool, not a substitute for professional therapy. If your relationship involves issues like abuse, infidelity, or deep-seated trauma, it is crucial to seek help from a qualified couples counselor.
