You know that feeling, right? That knot in your stomach when you see their name pop up, or the obsessive way you re-watch their Instagram story for the tenth time, searching for clues.
Your head tells you it’s over. But your heart… your heart whispers, “Maybe not.”
I’ve been there. It’s a painful, confusing limbo. You’re caught between moving on and holding on, and every little sign feels like a lifeline. The truth is, breakups are rarely clean. Emotions are messy, and sometimes, the person who walked away is just as conflicted as you are.
While you can’t read their mind, you can learn to read the signals. Here are 15 signs that your ex might be pretending to be over you, but is still wrestling with unresolved feelings.
On This Page:
The Digital Breadcrumbs: Social Media Signs
In today’s world, social media is the first place we look for clues. It’s a window—sometimes intentionally, sometimes not—into their emotional state.
1. They Haven’t Blocked You (The Silent Observer)
This is the baseline. If they were truly determined to erase you from their life, a block is the easiest way to do it. Staying connected, even passively, keeps a door open, allowing them to keep tabs on you.
2. They Watch ALL Your Stories, Instantly
Are they one of the first people to view your Instagram or Snapchat stories every single time? This isn’t an accident. It’s a conscious choice to stay updated on your life. They’re curious, they’re interested, and they’re not ready to let go completely.
3. The “Accidental” Like on a 3-Year-Old Photo
The infamous deep-scroll like. It means they were digging through your old photos, reminiscing. They quickly unlike it, hoping you didn’t see the notification, but the message is clear: you’re on their mind in a nostalgic way.
4. They’re Posting A LOT of “Look How Great My Life Is!” Content
A sudden flood of posts from the gym, out with friends every night, or on spontaneous trips? This over-the-top “happiness” is often a performance. They’re not just trying to convince their followers they’re okay; they’re trying to convince *you* (and themselves).
5. They Post Cryptic Song Lyrics or Quotes
Suddenly their feed is full of moody song lyrics or quotes about love, loss, or regret. This is a classic passive-aggressive way of communicating feelings they aren’t ready to say directly.
The Communication Clues: What They Say (and Don’t Say)
When they do reach out, the subtext is everything. You need to listen to what’s hiding behind their words.
6. They Initiate “Practical” Conversations
“Hey, I can’t remember the name of that restaurant we went to,” or “Do you still have my old hoodie?” These are excuses. They’re looking for a safe, logical reason to break the ice and hear from you without sounding needy.
7. The “Drunk Dial” or Late-Night Text
Alcohol lowers inhibitions. That “u up?” text at 1 a.m. is a direct signal that when their defenses are down, you’re the one they think about. It’s a sign of unresolved emotional and physical attachment.
8. They Bring Up Old Inside Jokes or Memories
When they say, “Haha, I saw a golden retriever today and thought of that time when…,” they are intentionally trying to remind you of the good times. It’s a test to see if you still share that positive connection.
9. They Ask Mutual Friends About You
If your friends report that your ex is casually (or not-so-casually) asking how you’re doing, what you’re up to, or if you’re dating anyone, it’s a clear sign they are still invested in your life.
10. Their Tone is Hot and Cold
One day they’re friendly and warm, the next they’re distant and cold. This emotional whiplash is a sign of internal conflict. The “hot” is their unresolved feelings bubbling up; the “cold” is them remembering they’re supposed to be over you and pulling back.
The Real-World Signals: In-Person Behavior
If you run in the same circles, their body language and actions can be the most honest signals of all.
11. They “Accidentally” Show Up Where You Are
Suddenly they’re at your favorite coffee shop or the bar you and your friends always go to on Fridays. Once might be a coincidence. More than that is a calculated move to create a “chance” encounter.
12. Lingering Eye Contact
When you do see them across a room, does their gaze linger for a second too long? Do they look away quickly when you catch them? Eyes don’t lie. That extended glance is a sign of a powerful, unresolved connection.
13. They Haven’t Returned Your Things
If they still have your favorite sweatshirt or the books you left at their place, they’re holding onto physical pieces of the relationship. Giving them back feels too final.
14. They Get Weird or Jealous When You Mention Dating
Try casually mentioning that you’ve been on a few dates or are talking to someone new. If they get visibly uncomfortable, ask too many questions, or try to subtly put the other person down, that’s jealousy. And jealousy is a powerful sign of lingering feelings.
15. They’re Dating Someone New… Who is the Opposite of You
If they jump into a new relationship at lightning speed with someone who seems like your polar opposite, it’s often a classic rebound. They’re not trying to replace you; they’re trying to distract themselves from the pain of losing you with someone completely different.
Confused by these mixed signals? Get the clarity you need. Take our 60-second Breakup Clarity Quiz to understand your unique situation and get a personalized action plan.
The Hard Truth: What Do These Signs *Really* Mean?
Okay, take a deep breath. Seeing some of these signs is exciting, I know. It feels like proof.
But here’s the crucial insight you need to understand: Signs of unresolved feelings are not the same as signs they want to get back together.
These signals mean they are hurting, confused, and that you still occupy a significant space in their mind. It means the connection isn’t dead. But it does NOT automatically mean they think reconciliation is a good idea.
Obsessing over these signs can trap you in a state of anxious waiting. The most powerful thing you can do is to shift your focus. Instead of just watching them, let them watch you.
This is the perfect time to implement a period of No Contact. Not as a punishment, but as an opportunity for you to heal, grow, and rebuild your confidence. When you’re focused on becoming a better version of yourself, their signals become less of a lifeline and more of… just information.
So, What’s Your Next Move?
Don’t just be a sign-reader; be a strategist. Use this information not to wait by the phone, but to form a plan.
- Acknowledge the Hope: It’s okay to feel hopeful. These signs show the door isn’t completely slammed shut.
- Focus on Yourself: Channel that hopeful energy into the gym, your hobbies, and your friends. Become the person they can’t afford to lose.
- Plan Your Re-Connection: When the time is right and the emotional dust has settled, you can be the one to reach out—not from a place of neediness, but from a place of strength. Knowing what to text your ex can make all the difference.
The goal is to get to a place where their validation is a bonus, not a necessity. That’s when you’ll truly have the power back.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: What if I don’t see any of these signs?
A: It doesn’t necessarily mean all hope is lost. Your ex might be very disciplined, or they may process emotions privately. The absence of signs is a strong signal to focus 100% on your own growth and assume you need to create a new attraction from scratch.
Q: Can my ex show these signs and still not want me back?
A: Absolutely. This is the most important takeaway. They can miss you, feel nostalgic, and be lonely without wanting to restart the relationship. That’s why your focus must be on self-improvement, not just waiting for them to come around.
Q: How long should I wait before reaching out if I see these signs?
A: The signs themselves shouldn’t change your timeline. A standard 30-day No Contact period is almost always recommended. It gives both of you time to clear your heads and allows you to re-engage from a position of strength, not reaction.
